There have been multiple times in the last few months during a Ron & Don Sit Down where someone started crying.
Not in a “my cat just died” kind of way, but in a “release of some big emotions” way.
There’s a lot of processing that happens when selling a home.
Memories, family, relationships, marriage, children, and money. All that and more can come to a head when you wade into the depths of a real estate transaction.
It’s a very big decision and can bring a palpable sense of anxiety.
After doing hundreds of Sit Downs with all different kinds of people, there are three things I’ve noticed that can unblock the log jam.
- Giving yourself permission
- The power of honor
- Home traveling with you
First: giving yourself permission.
Permission for what? Well, that depends. For many people who have lived in a house for a long time, they don’t even realize that there is something inside themselves saying, “You can’t sell this! Don’t Move! Change is scary!”
It comes in many forms. If you’ve raised a family in the house, it can feel like you are abandoning them by leaving the house. If you have had a divorce or your spouse passed away, it can feel like a betrayal of that relationship to leave the house behind. On top of those powerful storylines, change is expensive, scary, and difficult. It can be overwhelming. It’s easier to just stand pat, even if there’s a competing voice in your head telling you to let go and follow your dreams.
Sometimes in our Sit Down, when I can sense one or more of these things getting in the way of a person’s happiness, I take it upon myself to “give them permission” to make a move. This is when the tears start to flow. I can see a person relax and finally accept the fact that they can choose to get out of their own way and do the thing they have been daydreaming about for so long. There is an entirely new path open for them to walk down.
Next: The power of honor
The power of ritual is amazing. Why do we have baptisms and bar mitzvahs? What’s the purpose of a wedding ceremony or a funeral? What’s going on when we have a retirement party or graduation? At its core, we are pausing and marking an important event in our life. Going through the public ritual galvanizes the decision with your community.
Selling your home is right up there with the most important events in your life. But for whatever reason, we don’t have one of these rituals when it comes to selling your home.
I got the idea of inventing one after watching the Netflix series by Marie Condo about decluttering. She invited people to take a minute to honor the possessions they were about to discard. I took that and modified it for the sale of a house.
Not everyone has a need to do this, but for many people, it’s a powerful way to mark the moment. Have a get together with family and friends in the house and thank it for all that it has done for you. Provided shelter for you over the years. Given you a safe place to raise a family. Increased in value so that you can now profit from it to move on to the next phase of life.
By taking a moment to formalize your gratitude for your home, it becomes much easier to let it go to the next family.
Finally: Home traveling with you.
This is one of those obviously things that is sometimes hard to execute.
Home is not the actual structure that is made of wood and brick. Home is the collection of meaning and experiences that live inside of you. When you get to your new place, it is immediately now home. You bring your special blend of life to the new place.
The geography is going to change. You’ll swap out or discard some possessions. But wherever you choose for the next spot, that is now home.
Don and I are honored when people choose us to be their guides to the next phase of their lives. The reason we start with a sit down is to meet you where you are at. Watching in real time when one of our new friends realizes they can let go and pursue their next dream is one of the biggest rewards of what we do.