“Discovery and Recovery” - My final thoughts on Dry-January

Congrats! We are almost there! You’ll be able to say, “ I did it!!” This weekend marks the end of Dry-Jan. 2025!

The first week we detoxed, by week two we started to see and feel changes in our appearance and by week three we began to gather evidence without judgement as we looked at our own lives and the part that alcohol has played in it.

So what did your evidence tell you?

For some of us it has been an exercise in Discovery. Maybe we discovered we are ok with drinking, some maybe have decided to moderate, and others of us have discovered that maybe it is time to discover what it means to recover.

You moderator’s and those of you that are in a good place and space… you can jump off here.

Let me speak to those of you that have struggled this month.

I want to help you by sharing a few things that helped me years ago…

Recovery is a road less travelled and not a road to be approached lightly.

If you have used alcohol; to cope, deal with stress, coverup trauma, numb, run, hide, or escape….

You now know what you know.

And here’s the thing…..

Once you know.

You know.

Even if you return to drinking, it will never be the same again. The mindfulness you have gained will last a lifetime.

I think that’s actually good news.

And here is more good news….

Now that you have dragged that struggle into the light for the past month, It has less power over you.

For some of you like me, the road of Discovery and Recovery may involve therapy. Therapy changed my life from the inside out. It was intense. It riped my life down to the studs. Then we built it back one stud , one nail at a time.

Others of you might find it helpful to join a 12 step group, seek medical help, or join a support system online. Some may need to take a time out and consider rehab at a facility or out patient care.

Listen to me…

Everyone on this planet is on the spectrum of addiction for something. Could be work, the gym, food, sugar, self-help, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

And stopping one behavior and transferring it to another is common. It’s called “transfer addiction” for a reason.

Accountability with a group or counselor is key…they will help you navigate the bumpy , thrilling, life changing ride ahead.

Listen, I grew up in a home that was tormented by an alcohol abuser. In looking back, I am lucky my Dad left, and that we had a Mom that stayed, and loved us so much.

But there were areas where I never grew up.

And when I became a Dad, I lived in fear I would become like my own father…. So I numbed. Alone. Afraid. And at times terrified of becoming him.

The chains of addiction are common and a bitch.

The picture you see with me and my baby boy was about the time I sought therapy. I sought to break those chains for him, and for me.

The other picture was taken just a few months ago…

In the process of therapy, I learned I am not my Dad.

Thankfully, I am more like my Mom.

Like her, I could never abandon my son, but I didn’t like the way I couldn’t fully show up for him…..and I today I am determined to show up for him everyday , and in everyway possible.

That means I had to learn to show up for myself.

It’s taken a lot of work to get there, and I keep at it on the daily.

And sometimes I falter.

This road is not a perfect straight line. It is jagged and painful, yet joyous and mind blowing.

So, if this is you…be patient with yourself. Embrace the process and reach out NOW.

If you have no one to talk to, DM me like many of you have. There is NO SHAME in correcting your course and asking for help.

Don’t hide in the shadows. That will slowly kill you. Many others can moderate, but it can be exhausting for those of us who have used alcohol as medicine.

Maybe it is time to RECOVER what you lost….and in doing so DISCOVER what you will gain.

I have discovered how terrific it is to be a present father, and I have recovered parts of my boyhood by getting to relive really cool moments with my son.

Remember alcohol does everything it promises to…until it doesn’t.

Addiction is not a light switch. It is a dimmer switch.

It’s gradual and for some , and can turn deadly.

You only have so many minutes and moments in this life.

So how will you use them?

In Ryan Holiday’s book, “THE OBSTACLE IS THE WAY”, he talks about a stoic philosophy that believes we better ourselves and the world around us by using the Obstacles in our life to become better parents, friends, siblings, neighbors, coaches, teachers, competitor’s and world citizens. The Obstacle can’t be ignored…..and the only way through…

IS THROUGH!

In closing if you are in despair….

It is the darkest before the dawn…

The dawn is coming.