On Feeling Stuck

In my mind, there are few worse things than feeling stuck. I picture a car in mud up to the axels. It doesn’t matter if you put it in drive or reverse – give it the gas or try and take it slow, the wheels just spin.

It’s demoralizing, frustrating and makes you angry.

If the wheels keep spinning, most people just give up.

For me and several of our clients this year, we’ve had to overcome being stuck.

From health issues to relationships; money concerns to substance abuse – there’s a million ways to get stuck. The question I’ve been pondering is how to get unstuck.

I’m a pragmatist at heart, and I have 5 observations from this year on moving in the right direction.

1) Stop the bad momentum first before you can change direction.

If you’re anything like me, you want the bad “stuck” feelings to not only stop immediately, but to go the other way quickly. That doesn’t seem to be the way things work. I think it’s wise to identify the thing that is making you most stuck and just stop that first. You don’t need to do anything for a moment. Just stop. Trying to change direction too quickly usually leads to injury.

2) Give yourself some compassion.

This might be the most important part. Give yourself a break. Yes you’re stuck. You may have done some dumb things to get you stuck. It might be 100% your fault, but beating yourself up incessantly will not help you get unstuck.

The technique I love most for this is to find a photo of yourself as a child. Look at it and see if that helps conjure up some compassion. Surely you don’t want to see that child suffer. Surely you wish for only good things for that kid. Do that for a minute till you realize that kid is you.

3) Find a helper and show gratitude to them.

This one is hard. People don’t like to ask for help. Trust me on this, this can be a game changer. If you feel embarrassed to ask a friend, the hire a professional. I doubt there’s a problem that exists where you couldn’t find a professional to help you.

If you’re really stuck, you might need to pay them to do it for you. If you’re so overwhelmed you can’t even start – have the helper start for you. 99% of the time that will get you moving.

4) Just do ONE thing.

You don’t have to do it all right now. Just start. I feel this way when I gain some weight. I’ll spend 6 months or a year gaining weight, and then want it all off after my second workout. It doesn’t work that way. Doing one thing usually begets another. We all intuitively know at least one thing we could do. Do that.

5) Keep track.

Writing it down can be magic. Print out a 30 day challenge calendar and put it on your fridge. Set a reminder in your phone. Download a tracking app. Whatever method is easiest for you. When you write down the positive thing every day it helps. When you feel yourself sliding back, you can thumb through the pages and see all the things that you’ve already done.

Are there things I missed? What helps you get unstuck?

You don’t have to suffer.

You don’t need to be stuck.

Start on step 1 today and keep going.

It’ll get better.

I promise.