Several weeks ago, my life was jolted in a way I never saw coming. I was about a mile away from my home after attending a gathering on the Eastside. Around 9:30 PM, I was driving through an intersection by The Allen Brain Institute by Lake Union in Seattle like I’ve done hundreds of times before. The light was green, so I didn’t hesitate at the intersection.
I was driving my SUV when, out of nowhere, another driver ran the red light. The collision was violent. My SUV spun 270 degrees and was shoved around 50 feet across the intersection. In that split second, everything felt surreal, almost like a scene from a movie. The loud ringing in my ears, the sensation of time slowing down, and the eerie sight of what I thought was smoke filling my car—all of it played out in slow motion. All of airbags deployed, and I sat there for a second. Had the impact happened a few milliseconds later, I’m confident I would have been knocked unconscious.
After the impact, I was stunned and disoriented. Once the car stopped moving, I had no idea what to do next. The driver of the other car came over to check on me and admitted to running the red light. I don’t know how fast he was going, but fast enough for a Mazda sedan to spin an 8 passenger SUV like a top.
This is the part that was interesting to me, I was not furious. A younger version of myself would have been livid at this point. I would have felt the need to let the other driver know how stupid it was to run the red light. I would have rubbed his nose in the fact that he was at fault. It would have been an avalanche of anger and self righteousness. Instead, I was strangely calm and appreciative that I was able to exit the car and walk.
I got out of the car and looked at the damage. A few minutes later I heard the sirens. Seattle’s first responders arrived quickly. The Seattle Fire Department and Police were incredibly kind and professional. After talking with them, I was taken to Harborview Medical Center to make sure I didn’t have any serious injuries. No fractures, but as the adrenalin wore off, I got very sore and stiff and I’m still dealing with ramifications of the crash.
The entire experience has been unpleasant. Dealing with insurance, rental cars and walking through the mud at the junkyard to retrieve my possessions from the wreckage. I worry about the long terms effects on my body. But I’m proud of myself for not being consumed by anger.
Even though I didn’t choose this, and I didn’t cause this, all of it is now my responsibility. A car crash like this is the literal example my therapist gave to me when I was working through difficulties in my life a few years ago. Now I have the chance to live it in real life, and so far, I think I learned the lesson.
Anger is a tremendous fuel source. It can really motivate. However, it’s an extremely dirty fuel. It burns hot and throws a lot of smoke and fumes towards everyone and everything around you. So in a strange way, I’m grateful for this crash. I’m not saying I would ever want it to happen again, but it was a jolt that made me appreciate all the positive things that I have in my life.
Ron Upshaw
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One thought on “Anger is Powerful, but Dirty: My Crash Story”
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Ron,
I appreciate your story and message, and am glad you were not injured more than you were. It is true that anger is perhaps the more damaging of the experiences we can have in our lives, but what we do with it matters. Thank you for the opportunity to review my life’s experiences, and keep on with all the good that yours can bring you!